I miss U! I hate U! I hate to miss U!

This one mail which I couldn't forget and something is really hitting me somewhere?!

H

Yep, that's how I feel. I miss u 'H', not a lot, not all the time, but a lot sometimes.

I miss the companionship, I miss being able to share stuff.I miss sharing my small triumphs and big disappointments. I miss being able to brag to u and I miss ur bragging. I miss ur useful advices, I miss having someone to vent my frustration. I miss being a part of ur life (atleast in my mind). I miss ur goofiness, ur little quirks, ur motivation which used to keep me motivated. I miss making u proud of me and I miss u making me proud. I miss u depending on me for small things.I miss u calling me on road asking me to look up stuff. I miss feeling jealous of unnecessary things like the time u would hang out with ur female friends and I miss u assuring me that they are not special. I miss ur sensing my mood just by my tone. I miss throwing tantrums and having someone put up with it. The list goes on..............

A couple of days ago I got my first praise and a mail from my HOD praising my work. I wanted to share it with 'H'. But I cannot. I could not call Pal or Smita, because that would not have been appropriate, I think. Such times I was able to just call 'H' and share my excitement. Not anymore?! I called my parents instead but somehow it wasn't the same.

I am a very stubborn person especially when it comes to people and relationships. I know my stubbornness will see me through and I am never going to pick the phone to make a call or write a mail to 'H'.

If only my fantasies, my dreams, my yearnings could be fulfilled. Since that's not going to happen I should just live this time out. And with time, hope that this state of loneliness becomes a habit. After all I pride myself at being extremely adaptable ......right! or is it Yeah right!

But I still LOVE U '.....'.

Ever ever ever ur

............

Mr.H